Hello, I’d like to hire a nonsex sex worker?

How about this….we find the center of the Venn diagram of sex workers, dominatrices, and therapists, and have access to legal, as-needed emotional nonsex-work workers?

What…the hell am I talking about? It’s best explained via this exchange I had with a friend today:

  • Friend: I have had an awakening. I am “the traumatized horse the traumatized human taught to trust again” in every stupid horse-whisperer movie. I need someone to croon to me “Whoooaaa, there, baby. Easy now” as they approach me from the side with averted eyes, offering me a carrot on their flat palm.
  • Me: Oddly, this makes me think we need prostitutes, but with emotional work instead of sex work.

    I realize one might think “Oh that’s a therapist”, but no….therapists are more standoffish. We walk folks we can pay to do the heavy lifting of caring about us & reshaping our reality a little. God, what an exhausting job that’d be, tho.
  • Friend: Honestly, this is what a lot of sex workers report they end up doing
  • Me: Yeah, and they’re not really trained for it. Man….if I could safely call someone and go, “Yes, $60 an hour sounds GREAT to just cuddle and watch a movie, and maybe cry on you a little bit.”

    I know I can do that with friends and family some — not everybody can — but like….sometimes you wanna do that without all the baggage that goes along with “am I doing this to them too much? Should I check in? How well am I taking care of them too?”
  • Friend: For sure. You wouldn’t have to wonder if you’re holding up your side of it or not.

It’s a million dollar idea, that would also be a great career for some folks, that’s also legal, that would also help a lot of people. Martha* down the street can’t pay $200 for a therapy session every week? Well let’s get her a 2-pack of Emo Work** for $120 instead!

And so on. Somebody go make this the next Uber***.

*Martha is a made-up person.
** Emo Work is a working title. Someone will come up with something better.
***Uber, but like, without treating people horribly, underpaying them, etc.